Next step in developing the portal-collapsing superweapon: kung fu fighting!

Our group

Brus Reckoner

Male half-orc Inquisitor of Yog-Sothoth.

John “Angel Eyes” Wilmarth

Male Aasimar Cleric of the mad idiot god Azathoth.

Fág an Bealach (Faugh)

Male svirfneblin Brawler of archetype Mutagenic Mauler.

Bill the Bard

A lost male human bard with his donkey Bottom.

Picklick

Male hobgoblin rogue.

Back to Coin

Last session the PCs had scared off two different villains, nabbed a small lab’s worth of astronomy gear and legged it back to their task manager, Coin. It was a weird situation from the start.

“We’re back! We were successful!”

Coin smiled and asked them to explain that. Brus responded, “We dealt with the Winter Witch and The Blight, though we believe they have escaped for now.”

It may have been the paint, but it looked like Coin goggling at them in confusion. The others were throwing potions of healing to each other and generally celebrating. Bill the bard asked, “Hey where’s Bottom?” As if in response, his donkey bounded around a corner and nuzzled him.

Brus tried explaining to Coin: “We have the astrolabe, the orrery and the armillary sphere we were used to… what was it again?”

John chewed on a bread roll and said, “Bring down all the portals and reality.”

Brus continued, “Oh yeah, that.” Coin sparked up and then seemed to be on track.

“Good, good. I’ll get to work on that. I have the next stage planned out, but first you should rest.” He directed them to a series of cots and traded loot with them. Faugh, Picklick and Brus put in some requests for gear and Coin got to work on that overnight. John had also put in requests for three weird items: an eyepatch with a star on it, a shoulder pad and a chessboard.

In what counted as the morning in this space without a sun, Coin explained that the next step was tricky. Coin has had a very long time to work and think about portals but he’s no expert. He has the broad brush strokes more-or-less in line, but needed some particular details before they forged the rest of the weapon.

“We need to consult the limenologist, Wu-Shi.” Bill the bard reminded the others that limenology was the study of portals and openings.

“What should we ask him?”

Coin mumbled that it wasn’t that simple. He had many questions and couldn’t just supply a laundry list of them. “Get his notes, or his experience. Anything that can help. I can direct you to somewhere somewhat close to him.”

Faugh said, “So kidnap him?”

Coin replied, “I’m not strictly saying that. Just anything that can help.”

The PCs then outlined their favourite plans of kidnapping Wu-Shi. They offered to bring Coin along in a Bag of Holding but again Coin said, “It doesn’t quite work that way.” The PCs didn’t chase that any further.

“So where are you sending us this time, Coin?” Coin explained that it’ll be a little bit more of a trek this time. He indicated a series of keys and doorways to take. Bill the bard said, “Lads, I’ll have to catch up with you. Something about this limenology has struck me and I’d like some time to discuss this with Coin.” The rest of them shrugged. They had two keyrings and a variety of keys, so it seemed fine.

A Secret Admirer

The group pushed through the first door. A long, white, high-vaulted corridor stretched ahead of them. Déjà vu. This seemed a lot like the corridor coming off the murdered adventurer’s clubhouse, but they had arrived from the opposite end. The rogue searched for traps and they crept along, the strongest at the front.

“Well hello there…” someone purred from behind them. They turned around and saw a lithe catfolk woman perched on the doorframe behind them. She squirmed side to side in a sensual if odd way. Picklick whispered to the group that he had seen her before, in the first realm full of cats where he met Bill the bard.

The catwoman held a small house cat and kept an eye on them all. An approving, romantic eye towards Picklick, but a bitchy, shunning look towards the rest of them. Typical cat.

“Thanks for looking after my kitten.” She purred. “I see you got my present… Did you like it?”

The idea hung in the air for a while. They all remembered Picklick’s ghastly present of a goblin-in-a-bottle implanted with a bomb. The penny dropped and the catwoman grinned.

“Anyway, you keep safe, my dear. The rest of you, later losers!”

She kicked open a side door, acrobatically flipped through and disappeared. Before the door slammed shut, the PCs could hear loud ticking.

“What was that?” asked Faugh.

Picklick shrugged. “Women?”

They continued to explore this corridor. It was a facsimile of the one they had been in before, except for some odd details. The markings on the door at the end were the same, but now there were a couple more doors with new markings. And the adventurer’s clubhouse which still should be slick with gore? Gone. A completely bare room. Not even the statue or the secret room that was in there. Very peculiar.

They opened the door to the next area…

The Cart Fight

The PCs felt a little travel sick as the door opened up to a road. Although the corridor they were in was perfectly still, the sight from out the door was that of a road streaming away before them. The road was lined with cherry blossom trees.

They quickly surmised that this was a door on the back of a cart. Picklick decided he’d acrobatically vault to the roof of the cart. Not to be outdone, so did Faugh. The heavy-armour-clad Brus wasn’t so nimble and just jumped straight from the cart onto the road.

Directly onto a big black X marked on the road. John watched in bemusement.

Immediately they were attacked by a band of Asian-looking brigands. The cart-driver quickly whipped his horse, nervous about the armed people standing patiently on the side of the road and dead-set frightened when a motley band of heroes vaulted out of his cart! The cart sped up.

Brus was advanced upon by three people: a hulking, seven-foot tall half-orc in a set of samurai armour, wielding a naginata crackling with dark energy; and a pair of monks, one male, one female, with the female spinning a meteor hammer menacingly and speaking to the male in a language the PCs had never heard of before.

The cart was moving away quickly, bringing Picklick and Faugh under fire from a wizard-y looking guy and a street vendor with a steaming wok hanging off his chest. The chef dumped a variety of herbs, spices and meats into the wok and quickly formed a dumpling which he hurled at the PCs. It exploded, sending hot oil everywhere. The fight was on.

The PCs were badly battered and burnt, but had survived. They found a curious note on one of the monks saying:

Daisuke - gather Saburo, Tsumazuku, Tetsu, Kankei. Double your usual pay. Hell, triple.

Be at this exact spot at this exact time. Kill them all.

Lots of love,
 Bhedlam.

The PCs were concerned about the large X on the road precisely where Brus jumped out. Was the catwoman a distraction? But they could have spent however long afterwards before reaching the end of the corridor. Brus suggested: “Maybe we were always fated to be there. Yog-Sothoth explains…”

Picklick had chased after the poor cart-driver. The cart door had closed in the frantic ride out of there. The cart driver didn’t speak Common and was terrified. Eventually through mime Picklick got him to point the way to the nearest city. Conveniently in the opposite direction to which the cart driver was going. After harassing him some more (and considering sabotaging the cart), Picklick ran back to the team.

“Okay, so we need to find… who?”

“Wu… something.”

“Wu-Shi.”

“And where is he?”

The others shrugged. “Town?”

The pushed on. Faugh came down from his mutagen high. Suddenly, out of a conspicuously large and hollow tree stumbled Bill and his donkey, Bottom.

“Where the hell did you come from?”

Bill caught his breath. “Chaps! Coin said you were in trouble!”

“Not any more!”

“Oh, good. Well Coin said you and Wu-Chi were in trouble.”

The others shrugged and decided to push on.

The Town of Kitsumoto

The next town they came across was in a valley surrounded by forests. A river forked either side of the town.

But there were no villagers in the rice paddies. The PCs noticed the villagers had all gathered in the center of the town, forming an angry mob. Bill cast Comprehend Languages and heard the village elder proclaim the guilt of “Wu-Chi” for practicing wicked witchcraft and occult. He was to be executed in private in the morning. Farmers shouted their stories of seeing Wu-Chi walk into empty barns, but when followed, the barns remained empty, especially of Wu-Chi!

As the PCs openly discussed their options of breaking him out of prison, most of the village walked away, mostly to the tavern. Wu-Chi was led into the central pagoda of the town by a couple of guards. One farmer explained to the Bard where you might catch a glimpse of Wu-Chi’s execution. It would be ceremonial, but not actively public.

The PCs decided they needed to scout out some more and took their strategizing to the tavern. The barkeep wouldn’t accept their foreign money initially, but the Bard managed to charm the locals with a bit of small talk.

Wu-Chi’s house had already been ransacked. Faugh spent the time brewing his mutagen as the others inspected the place.

Something had been dragging small items into the forest, leaving a trail. The PCs couldn’t spot what it was, but they could follow the path.

The path was an actual one through the forest. Along the sides were small statues, pillars and shrines. Small offerings to lost relatives in the form of incense sticks. One of them was to a great ancestor “Wu-Li”. The PCs were very curious about this.

“You know,” the Bard said. “I swear Coin had initially said we should look for Wu-Shi. But wasn’t the guy in the mob called ‘Wu-Chi’? Is it the same guy?”

Bottom had accidentally stomped on a piece of parchment in the underbrush. Using Comprehend Languages again, Bill found a diary entry from “Wu-Chi” about researching the notes left to him by “Wu-Shi”.

They continued deeper into the woods, risking leaving Faugh behind. They decided against it and waited for him. Eventually they found a focal point for the graveyard. Picklick and Faugh circled around stealthily.

Tiny gourd-like creatures were running about, picking up trinkets and bringing them here. When the others arrived, the three creatures quickly passed some metal thing amongst themselves and the last one plunged it into the ground near a large headstone.

Bill the bard used Tongues to hail the creatures. He explained that they were looking for Wu-Shi and maybe some of his items. Picklick spied a small metal ring sticking out of the earth in front of the headstone. He grabbed it and pulled it up. The earth around it opened a little… and then a lot. Roll for initiative.

The gravestone was for Wu-Shi! The dead ancestor of Wu-Chi! And Wu-Shi was bursting out of the earth to attack Picklick!

Picklick was far forward in the fight, with Faugh near to flank. Brus was far back behind John and Bill. As Brus charged in, a small wooden humanoid stepped out of a tree and told the Bard telepathically to leave the area.

Faugh diverted to charge this creature, as Picklick and Brus wailed on Wu-Shi. Wu-Shi struck Picklick deeply with evil razor fingernails, sending him into a convulsive fit. Picklick fell off the headstone and lay dazed. Wu-Shi cast some limenological protection spell on himself as Brus brought his planar lucerne hammer down on him. The geometries around Wu-Shi were fractured and out-of-synch. The hammer shook and twisted, squealing against this perversion of physics.

Then, one of the statues flashed alive! What once was a large raccoon-like statue was now a tanuki monk wielding a quarterstaff and belting Brus.